Do you know if your child has strong bones? One of the first things that come to mind when hearing this question is the ‘Got Milk’ campaign. We’ve all seen the commercials and advertisement encouraging the consumption of cow’s milk. But is drinking milk enough to ensure that my children will grow up with strong bones?

I know that a minimum of three daily servings of low-fat dairy products is recommended as part of a healthy diet. Milk is a great source of calcium, a key building block for strong, healthy bones. However, I don’t believe that cow’s milk alone is enough to build strong bones. A diet with lots of vitamin rich fruit and vegetables will also promote bone health. Vitamin C is essential for making collagen, the connective tissue that minerals cling to when bone is formed, and Vitamin K is known to stimulate bone formation. Potassium decreases the loss of calcium from the body, making fruits and vegetables an important part of strong bone health.

Making sure that the kids have a lot of calcium rich snacks available is important in our house. Low-fat yogurt and string cheese are great snacks. I also like to add a second piece of low-fat cheese to the children’s sandwiches and serve pudding made with milk for dessert. Encouraging the older kids to drink milk instead of soda is something I have to stay on top of. However, a glass of warm skim milk at bedtime is always appreciated.

Did you know that low-fat and fat-free dairy products have the same amount of calcium and other nutrients as the full fat options? For the longest time I was under the assumption that even my older kids needed to drink full fat milk. I have since learned that cutting back on the fat won’t lessen the nutritional value of dairy products.
Do I think my children have strong bones? I feel pretty confident answering yes to this question. I try to stay informed about their nutritional needs and make sure that they are eating plenty of calcium-rich dairy, fruits and vegetables. Also, keeping the right foods readily available for snacking really seems to help.

It’s a happy day when your child finds that certain something that they are really good at and an

even happier day when you figure out how you as their parent can best help them pursue that

talent. With 5 children (17, 13, 11, 3 & 3), I’ve worn my fair share of different hats as I’ve aided

each one of them to reach their goals and fine tune their particular forte. My role in helping

each child has been both different for each child and mutable as they grow. The two constants

are that all of their quests have demanded a good deal of our time and some degree of financial

support.

We recognized “speed” was our oldest son’s greatest strength at about age 5 and initially

helped him find sports where he could use that speed to his advantage while having fun with

peers. It was a huge blessing JC found this talent early on, because he was a child who really

struggled to succeed in other areas. For JC, school was a constant challenge due to his

dyslexia and he had food allergies which created further day-to-day difficulties. My help was

mainly in the form of transportation and supportive fan in those early days. Once JC hit high

school and was showing great promise on the track team, my role evolved to something best

categorized as amateur sports agent. I suddenly was tasked with helping him reach his next

goal, running on scholarship in college. I’m now helping to answer recruitment letters, filling out

college recruitment forms, photographing him at his track meets, keeping track of his times, and

putting together his video highlights. In my spare time, I joined his team’s parent booster club.

Our second oldest son, Hayden, pursued a few passions before he found one that seemed

to stick. We supported Hayden as he tried Karate and Guitar lessons before settling into his

current love of team sports such as football. He hopes to play on the high school football team

in a couple years perhaps as quarterback. I’m currently in the “transportation and supportive

fan” phase with Hayden now. In fact, he has just begun weight training at the same gym his

older brothers attends.

A love of dance by our daughter Cordelia has extended me well beyond the “transportation

and fan” role. Her participation on a competitive dance company team has me playing Makeup

Artist, Hair Dresser, costume dresser, and her general lackey. A recent ankle break also

created new roles including psychologist, physical therapist, and nurse. Luckily Cordelia was

able to return to dancing competitively last week. Only 11, she’s already set her sights on her

high school’s dance team.

When it comes to preschoolers such as my twin 3.5 year old boys, passions tend to come and

go. Additionally, some of their dreams and perceived talents tend to be less reality based. One

of the easiest ways to celebrate a little one’s current fixation is with a birthday party or playdate

planned around their latest preoccupation. For example, my twins are currently infatuated with

the idea of becoming superheroes when they grow up. As a result, I’ve begun planning their 4th

birthday party around that subject.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that financial backing has been another big part of helping all

the kids. There is the equipment and shoes, the costumes, and uniforms, the skill camps and

lessons, the gas and travel expenses, the fundraising requirements, and all those miscellaneous

items that seem to constantly pop up. Even with used equipment and carpooling, the monetary

side to helping your child chase their dreams can be a huge one.

My payoff for all I do is that my kids are living their dreams. Seeing their joy as they do what

they love is all the reward a mom could really want. It may sound corny, but I really am happiest

when I see they are happily reaching their goals.

As a child, I remember tumbling at gymnastics, twirling in ballet, and tapping in dance.  My parents were incredibly supportive of my interests and passions, and regardless of whether or not I was “good” at said interest, I had the confidence to pursue my dreams.  When I became discouraged, my parents lifted me up.  When I wanted to give up, they motivated me to keep going.

This year, I am entering a new phase…mother to a school-aged child.  I often think about the type of mother that I’m aiming to be and frequently look back to my own parents for guidance and wisdom.  I think back on specific moments of my life and really look to my own parents as role models. I feel incredibly blessed that my parents afforded me every opportunity possible and really encouraged me to pursue my dreams.  I wouldn’t be the wife, mother, daughter, friend, and woman I am today were it not for their guidance and loving support.

Even at almost 5 and 2 1/2, each of my children exhibit diverse interests and talents.  My son is this vibrant, friendly, curious little boy who makes friends with everyone he meets.  My daughter is independent and pensive…brimming with artistic creativity.  I can already see my son’s fascination with how things work as he takes apart his toys.  My daughter is the polar opposite…singing, dancing, and coloring quietly…thoughtfully.

As my children enter school and participate in community activities, first and foremost I want them to know that I support them completely.  If my son wants to play soccer, I want to be on the field cheering him on. If my daughter wants to pursue ballet, I want to be the one driving her to classes.  The most important thing I can do to support my children’s passions is to simply be there, encouraging and making those dreams a reality.

Since my children are still very young, I feel like it’s my responsibility to help them identify their skills and passions.  And while I aim to guide them and help them explore their talents, I always want those interests to be genuinely theirs.  It’s important that I keep an open mind, give them the benefit of the doubt, and instill a sense of responsibility while being honest about their abilities.

My son could very well be an architect in the future…my daughter an artist. I have no idea where there passions and interests will take them but I aim to be their biggest fan…their number one supporter… I want them to know that I truly believe they can be and do anything they set their heart and mind to.

Whether it’s soccer, finger painting, baseball, karate, theater, ceramics, video games, field hockey, chemistry, collectibles, ice-skating or gymnastics, most kids have a passion.  How we as parents help cultivate, nurture and encourage that burgeoning enthusiasm can be the difference between a lifelong pursuit or a flight of fancy.

If you abide by the controversial Tiger Mom approach, as a parent you choose the child’s passion and then by hook or by crook, instill that passion in your child.  If Junior never develops the passion – no worries- he’s still gong to be fluent in 3 languages and play concert piano by age 9.

My close friend *Nicki uses a time-tested motivator for her child known as cold, hard cash – and guess what? It works like a charm.  I know this because she’s even bribed my kid to improve her golf swing on the range (“I’ll give you a $20 if you can hit the 150 marker!”) and has on occasion promised my daughter greenbacks for hula hooping at Genus Book durations.

My own encouragement methods are a watered-down version of Nicki’s and Tiger Mom’s.  I choose some activities for my child and I let her chose some. We’re at a break even currently, with golf and acting being her two primary pursuits.  But she has other passions as well, and my husband and I are split on how to handle this.

Hubby forbid professional acting until a few years ago and believes our daughter should focus solely on her golf game and academics (we reward financially for good grades!), so that’s what he motivates.  I on the other hand believe academics, acting and golf are her “priority passions” but just like Jello, when it comes to passions there’s always room for more.

For instance, this week the kid is auditioning with a friend in front of celebrity judges for a singing gig at a high-profile function.  While I have no idea if she’ll make the final cut, I feel like there is a wealth of experience to be gained just from trying out; she’s learning teamwork, diligence in practice, how to create the nuances of a live performance and because the competition is particularly stiff, she may learn a little about rejection too.

Ultimately, like everything in life, encouraging our kids’ passions is fraught with hard work and compromise and ultimately is more about developing their character than any artistic, physical or mental skill.  How do you know if you’re on the right track with your “encouragement” skills? Answer this question: “What’s your passion?” If you answer is “My child,” I think even Tiger Mom would approve.

Barb

First and foremost, my husband and I rarely look like we are going to the same place. On most evenings when we go out it would appear that I am going to a nice dinner or party and he is going to a baseball game with the guys. It would be fine if we were actually going to a baseball game, but we are not. Drives me nuts. Then, when he does decide to change out of his T-shirt (the one that I’m not allowed to throw out even though there are more holes in it than a slice of swiss cheese), he chooses one of his many checkered, preppy, button-down shirts with buttons on the collar. Why are there buttons on the collar of a man’s shirt? Seriously, why are they there? Are they there to hold the collar down? To hold a tie in? He doesn’t even wear a tie! My husband seems to buy all his button-down shirts with that extra button on the collar. It is preppy and I can’t stand it. In addition, every shirt he comes home with looks the same. They all have some sort of checkered pattern, and did I mention the buttons on the collar? I’ve tried and tried to bring home more fashionable clothes, but he says things like, “Too metrosexual,” or “What were you thinking?” I was actually thinking that I want you to look like the guy in the Calvin Klein ad from my InStyle magazine! Good thing he is so darn cute. There is one exception, however, when I love what he is wearing. He plays softball and there is something about those softball pants that just do it for me

Jen

Hi Ruba,
I agree with what Jen said and would just add that a child being “well behaved” has to be age appropriate. Your daughter may be very well behaved for a one year old, but since she is your first and only child you have nothing to compare her behavior to. Your expectations might be too high (I know mine were for my twins daughters.) A lot of times they just don’t have the skills or their brain has not developed in the capacity necessary to carry out some of that “good behavior.” One of my favorite experts on this is Betsy Brown Braun http://betsybrownbraun.com/.
Also, Tina Bryson, PHD, wrote about how the brain works and tantrums http://tinabryson.com/.

Best,
Barb


Hi Ruba,
I applaud you for wanting your child to be well behaved, but be aware that a one year old is only one year old! I did some research for you and found a great link with Dr. Sears (the baby expert!) about ways to encourage a toddler to have good behavior. I hope this helps, but just remember all the advice in the world can’t change the moods of a one year old some days! Been there!
Here is the link: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/13-ways-encourage-toddler-good-behavior

Jen

Do you ever look at your daily schedule and wonder how you manage it all? How will you get the kids to school, accomplish your daily routine (whether it be inside or outside the home), run to extracurricular activities, make dinner, help with homework and somehow manage to spend some real quality time with your family? It makes me exhausted just thinking about it!

Is your life overscheduled? Are your kids rushed all the time? I have often wondered if, by trying to be the best Mom possible, I have caused more commotion than necessary to achieve the best quality of life for my kids. I want them to be smart, kind, generous and confident women and I strive to give them all the tools they need to be successful. But at what cost? After viewing Jen and Barb’s latest video with family coach and author, Timothy Smith, I decided to tackle the question, “Do my kids need more downtime?”

I remember when I was a kid (many years ago), after school I had time to unwind on our sofa and watch “The Cosby Show” before beginning my homework. Schoolwork was always important to me, so I took my time and studied hard, but I never remember studying for hours until I reached college. My oldest daughter is only in the first grade and I am already shocked by the level of homework and number of school activities available to her. That being said, my oldest daughter thrives on a tight schedule. She likes the structure of directed activity and doesn’t do well with boredom. She wants to sign up for everything! So far, I have allowed her to do many activities such as Daisy Scouts, gymnastics and dance classes all of which she loves. She is a very social child and is doing well with her studies and activities. Is she busy? Sure. Overscheduled? Not for her personality.

I think it is important, as Timothy Smith pointed out in the video, to focus your efforts in studying your children to determine the best activity level for them. My youngest daughter is much more of a “free thinker” at her young age of 4. She loves independent and creative play. I have yet to hear her say, “I’m bored.” She attends one dance class a week and is very content with the level of activity. Is she busy? Not really. Is she underscheduled? Not for her personality.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think group activities are an important part of growing up. Working as a team, sharing, learning to be a gracious winner and an even better loser are skills needed throughout life. As the kids grow older, I will do my best to guide them to activities best suited for their very different personalities. But, we will always end the night together with a little downtime. Time for us to be a family. Time to share the events of the day. Time to connect.

Do you feel like your kids could use a little more downtime?

Have you ever heard anyone say “back when I was a kid” and it immediately makes them sound really old?  I might end up sounding old in this post.  My oldest is in first grade; he comes home from school I let him watch a quick show and then it is time for homework.  Two pages of work, spelling words, writing in a journal and reading for 15 minutes.  Then the next day we repeat it all over again.  By the time homework is done the rest of the night goes by in a whirlwind of dinner, cleaning, showers and bedtime.  There is usually about 30 minutes of time to play with Dad which goes too quickly.  Soon we will also be adding soccer practices and Cub Scouts to this mix.
When I was a kid, see I sound old, I remember coming home the first week of school with “homework”- it was an assignment to make an <span style=”font-style: italic;”>About Me</span> poster, and that was it.  That was all of the homework I had the entire year.   And that is how it remained for a lot of grade school.  I remember feeling excited for homework as it made me feel big like my older siblings.  My son’s occasional screaming and whining about homework leads me to believe he doesn’t quite feel the same way I used to.

We started my son in soccer when he was 6.  The division had all sorts of rules, not for the kids, but for the parents as they wanted it to be a good experience for the kids; no screaming crazy parents allowed.   My son caught on pretty quickly but already felt behind as many of the kids had been playing soccer for three years.  It feels like you have to get your kid into the sport as early as possible otherwise they are going to be behind and never be as good as the others.

As a parent you feel this pressure of wanting your kid to be successful, to be able to have all the opportunities they can so they are not left behind.  When I was in high school I knew a boy who’s parents would only let him choose one extra activity.   I thought- there is no way he is going to get into the elite college he wants if he only has one extracurricular.

So, when I hear people ask if kids are under too much pressure- I definitely say yes.  The question is what is the solution?