Posted December 21, 2009 / Christina Cox

by Christina Cox, new mom blogger

My friend Michael uses disposable sterile gloves to pump gas in his car. It’s not about the toxins, he says, it’s about all the people who touch the gas pump and their germs. At parties, he watches to see if anyone double dips with their vegetable sticks. The worst part is that if you do it, he actually calls you on it right as you are about to put the food in your mouth. And, he does it real loud, so everyone can hear and you’re kind of paralyzed thinking about how you can fix it at that moment. But your germs are already in the dip bowl for the next dipper and you’re pretty much shamed from grazing. I swear, he’s earned his nickname, Bubble Boy, a thousand times over.
Lately, however, I’ve been coming close to taking his title. After having Max, my life has totally changed when it comes to germs. Fourteen months ago, I didn’t even know what a germ was. Now, here are the kind of things I experience on a daily basis: I wash my hands all the time, even after I itch my cheek, which I figure is in close proximity to my nose, which is where germs line up. If I see a little dust on Max’s bottle, I have to put the whole fleet of bottles on sanitize in the dishwasher. I throw away food days before the sell by date, something I never did before Max. I Purell the chain links on the swing at the park. I actually have done flow charts in my head of how germs could get from one place to another. I did that once when a friend stuck their cherry red acrylic nail in Max’s mouth when he was six months. If Max sneezes, I vacuum the air with my portable vacuum. Okay, just kidding on that one, but my life according to germs is bordering on the obsessive.
Recently, I went on a trip to Los Angeles with Max and I felt like everywhere I turned there were more germs. As I was waiting for my luggage, two kids came into the baggage claim with their parents and one coughed that gaggy, wet cough that makes the cougher turn red. And, no she didn’t cover her mouth and she was two feet in front of Max. I actually tried to wheel Max out of the cough line before the germs could reach him. On the way back from our trip, a mother and son behind us shared that they had just had the flu after they had been hacking away the whole airplane ride. Did they know they were torturing me? And, then to prove my point at that moment, Max barfed all over his seat, me, his diaper bag, the front wall, everywhere. And, I knew in my heart of hearts that the culprits were those nasty little germs.
I know that I have problems with this. Many friends have shared their own neurotic over-protective mother stories to try and make me feel better and make me laugh. And, I am very thankful for that. Still, half of my Christmas list is getting a germ-sanitizing wand and I’ve just emailed Michael to find out where I can get those sterile gloves in a size small. What phobias or neuroses have you developed or abandoned since you became a mother?