Taking Your Husband’s Last Name
Guest Blogger: Louise of MomStart
Taking your husband’s last name is a personal choice. You have to do what’s right for you. I grew up in a very traditional family where the father is the leader of the family and has the final say. At the same time, I was raised to be very independent and to think for myself and to make sure my opinion was heard. My stepmother raised us girls to have the desire to take care of ourselves. I went off to college, lived on my own and took care of every expense myself. I can be on my own, I know this about myself.
I took my husband’s last name and I’m not wimpy and I didn’t lose my identity by changing it. I haven’t lost my voice either. My husband and I make decisions together. My name doesn’t identify me it never did. I define myself. I actually never even considered not taking my husband’s name. As part of taking a husband I took his name, I believe that a man and woman become one unit, we both bring different things to the union but we are both still ourselves. We grow and change over the years and we learn how to understand our differences. A name doesn’t change any of that. I don’t even really see what the big deal is in changing your last name.
After watching the video I heard a few things that were especially interesting to me. One, using the statistic “Over 50% get a divorce” as an excuse to not change your name, is really sad. It’s like you’re planning for failure. Why would you want to set your marriage up for failure from the beginning? It’s like saying, just in case we get a divorce it will be easier for me if I still have my maiden name. Two, thinking about your children and their confusion about your name being different, is a valid reason for taking his name or at least hyphenating it like Dr. Sheri Meyers suggested. I’m no expert on children but I know that my own children are really young and names are already very confusing for them. I would want to create a unity within my family for the children to feel safe in. Finally, changing your last name does not make you weak, you aren’t losing a piece of you. You’re gaining a family.
What I always wonder is why do men never take womens last names. I know this came about when men were the primary providers but that is simply not the case any more in a LARGE number of families – you either have the mother and father providing or at times just the mother while the father stays home. Why is the woman always supposed to give up her name of say Wendy O’ Williams and gain Wendy O’ Gollunberger. I think the person with the best last name – the one that fits both people – should be the last name that is choosen. I also think that there could be discussion of creating your own last name and make your middle name your single names – so loss the Smith and the Janensblott and find something unique that you both like (or blend your names or pull from old family names). Thinking outside the box is something I advocate. My husband was not down with that idea and his last name made me sound like a guy from jersey who sells shoes out of the trunk of his car – awful sounding so we hyphenated and I am of the opionion that the kids should be able to pick one or the other of the names when they are old enough if they want to lose the hyphenation – then it’s their decision! It’s so touchy for men but supposed to be something that women of our generation do without blinking – I don’t get it! M